You know those arguments that start and we can't even remember why? Often caused by a comment made in a way that irritated someone, who after that was already 100% armed and with barriers to listening? From then on, anything said in a “wrong” way can become just more fuel to increase the discussion.

This is something so common that it has probably happened to you. And now you may be asking yourself: “How could I avoid starting a conflict like this?” The starting point, according to Non-Violent Communication (NC) practices, is to remain open to listening, have empathy for others and avoid judgment in a conversation. 

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But calm down, this is not being passive!

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If you are one of those people who don't take insults, you don't need to think that you will lose strength in your positions by doing what the CNV indicates. Quite the opposite, because with the tools of Non-Violent Communication you will become a much more honest person in your speech. 

After all, one of the main premises is that we can be more sincere with ourselves and with others, this way, we will know ourselves even better, making it easier to express ourselves and see others. 

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Origin of Nonviolent Communication

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In the 1960s, North American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg systematized the concept of NVC and founded The Center for Nonviolent Communication . Marshall died in 2015, but before that, he disseminated Non-Violent Communication in around 60 countries and wrote several books on the subject.

Nonviolent Communication: Techniques for improving personal and professional relationships ( Nonviolent Communication: A language of life) is one of the psychologist's main writings. A highly recommended book for anyone who wants to learn more about the concept and work on interpersonal conflicts in a healthier and more empathetic way.

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And how to apply?

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A key word within books and presentations on Non-Violent Communication is empathy. The seven letters of this word bring a lot of Marshall's studies to our relationships, because the more empathetic we are, the easier it will be to see ourselves in others and understand issues that may sound like judgments or criticisms.

We know that change will not happen overnight, because these practices involve much more than a list of rules to be followed. But to help with this beginning, Marshall created four pillars that help guide interpersonal relationships within the NVC:

1. 1. Observation (instead of judgment)
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3. 2. Feelings (rather than evaluations)
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5. 3. Needs (instead of strategies)
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7. 4. Requests (instead of orders).

Did you see how CNV can help you in different areas of modern life? If you are curious and want to delve even deeper into the topic, the ECOM team highly recommends reading Marshall Rosenberg's book and believes that good communication is always the best way.